I can do hard things.

Here's what I used to do to go shopping.

-Put shoes on. Grab bag (wallet, keys, chapstick, phone). Go.

Here's what I do now. I wish I was exaggerating.

First, I make sure the bag is packed:
- two juice cups
- one bottle of milk
- two bags of snacks
- one bottle of water
- two extra snacks
- four size 4 diapers
- four size 2 diapers
- extra pair of pants for the girls
- extra outfit for the baby
- hand wipes
- butt wipes
- baby's pacifier
- extra pacifiers
- ergo baby carrier
- wallet, keys, chapstick, phone

"Ok! We can go!"
 Oh wait, now I need to:
- put socks and shoes on Toddler One
- put socks and shoes on Toddler Two
- start warming up the bottle
- reapply socks and shoes to Toddler One
- close all of the doors so Trapper can't sneak onto our beds
- reapply shoes to Toddler Two
- locate and refill the previously packed juice cups that were stolen and drained of their contents by, guess who, Toddlers One and Two

"Ok! We're really ready!"
Wait...The bottle!!! I forgot! It's scalding!
- get steaming bottle. Be sad that I probably just nuked the nutrients from my hard earned bottle of breastmilk.
- get over it. Grab backpack. Grab baby. Time to go!

"Ok girls! We're ready for real this time! Let's go!"
silence. They are nowhere to be found.
"Children!! Come here please, it's time to go!"
Here they come. Ahh, the pitter patter of little feet.
Crap... feet.
- reapply socks and shoes to Toddlers One and Two

- quickly usher them out the door before they have time to de-shoe themselves again
"Ok girls. I want you to walk straight to the car. It's not time to play, it's time to go to the store. Please obey and walk straight to the car right now."
- watch as Toddlers One and Two run in opposite directions
"Come to the car! RIGHT NOW!"
"No! Come get me, Mama!!"  Laughs maniacally.
"I can't! I'm holding baby brother! Please my dear, sweet children. I'm two seconds away from a meltdown, so why don't you just obey me for once in your short little lives. I'm begging you, come to the car!"
- they finally come. they climb into van. they get into their chairs.

- Ok. attempt to buckle toddlers in
"NO! MY DO IT!!!!"
- you know how this goes. eventually after (two seconds of) me being an AMAZING mom and being SO patient while letting them struggle to buckle themselves in while holding a fussing baby...I take over. Buckled. Done.
- buckle baby in.
- baby starts to cry. Is he hungry? I'll give him some milk. I sit and give him his bottle. Man, he's a slow drinker. He is just lingering, smiling, savoring this moment. You think you're going somewhere, mom? You're not. I'm keeping us in this driveway for as loooooong as possible. I'm just going to take a tiny sip...smile...one more sip...aren't I cute? And on and on. FINALLY he finishes.

All right, folks! We can go!!!

And we do. And while the car ride is not always calm and happy and enjoyable, it's blissful for three reasons.
No one can move.
I can listen to NPR.
I can honestly say "I'm sorry I cant get your juice that you intentionally threw down. I'm driving."

Then we arrive.
I sit for a moment, revving myself up for the next set of tasks.
Ok, here we go.
- get double stroller out of trunk
- get Toddler One out of carseat
- buckle Toddler One into stroller
- get Toddler Two out of carseat
- buckle Toddler Two into stroller
- push them around to the other side of the car to get baby Brother
- get baby carrier on
- insert baby
- strap backpack to the stroller (I have this ENORMOUS carabiner called "The Mommy Hook" that I can hook onto the stroller and then hook stuff to it like bags. Its frightful and embarassing and oh, so useful)
- stop halfway into store to dole out snacks
- walk inside store
- receive pitying looks
- shop. victoriously.
Because I can do hard things.

So, in sum, if you get a Christmas present from me this year, you better at least pretend to be pretty damn excited about it.