I read the most awesome article yesterday. It was all about new moms and how in the past few years it has become so much harder for us than it was for the women who were having their first babies while we were in high school and college (here is the link). The rise of social media and the emphasis on sharing our experiences has become a two-edged sword, and has turned one person’s video of their kids singing in the car or funny story about their toddler’s tantrum at a restaurant into a virtual battleground for people to berate, belittle, and judge. So, the woman’s article was emphasizing how it is important to not get caught up in that dangerous wave of hurt and stick to what you know to be true. I loved it, and it was a great reminder that the pressures that I sometimes feel as a young mom who puts her stuff out there for the world to see, and judge, are absolutely not of God and that the best parenting advice is to truly listen to my own heart and mind.
And then, stupidly, I looked at the comments. At the bottom
of this encouraging, amazing, empowering article was a string of bickering,
judgment, and divisiveness. As I was reading the article I was thinking how we,
collectively, are turning the page on the “mommy wars”…and then the comments
proved me utterly wrong.
Let’s face the facts, people: Every time we put someone down
for their parenting choices, every time we deny someone acceptance, every time
we judge, even just secretly, we are screaming at the top of our lungs “I NEED
AFFIRMATION!” By excluding others, we want to make more room for ourselves to
be accepted. By putting others down we hope to catch the eye of someone else
who agrees with us and affirms our choices. We are looking, desperately, for
acceptance by the click of someone else’s mouse. We are so isolated, we are so
confused, we have been so inundated with styles and choices and beliefs about
parenting that we are no longer able to just trust our own instincts and extend
compassion to every single other parent who is just trying their hardest to do
the same thing. When animals are lost
and scared, they bite. We are no different.
We need to heal. Wounds, real wounds, have been made in so
many hearts by careless comments and cruel accusations. Raising a person is
already so hard and every parent needs all the confidence and self-love that
they have. You want to raise a generation of loving, selfless, kind, compassionate
people? Well first, we have to be that.
We have to model that kindness, that compassion, and that love for our children
to see every. single. day. And if you think that your kids won’t know how
you’ve hurt or judged others because it was online, or because they can’t read
yet, you are wrong. How we act virtually is a glimpse into who we are, and that
judging that you did the other day is going to become a habit, and that habit
is going to define you to your children, and who you are is often the only example to them of who they should
become.
It is a dangerous game to seek affirmation from others. It
causes us to change ourselves to appease, to push others down so that we rise
up to the top so that we can just be noticed, to become radicals to be glorified
for our strong convictions. It does everything but teach us that We. Are.
Awesome. Parents. No conditions, no qualifications, nothing. Just that.
Awesomeness. You are an awesome mom, you are an awesome dad, you are an awesome
stepparent, you are an awesome grandparent, YOU ARE AWESOME. You know it in
your heart, that little spark of confidence hasn’t died just yet, but when you
are told, even indirectly, that you are not an awesome parent because of what
you do or don’t do then that spark gets weaker and your confidence begins to panic
and seeks affirmation from others because you no longer are able to affirm
yourself with the truth that you already
know.
Well guess what everybody?...
I am an awesome mom!!
Not “Because I…” anything. I’m just awesome. You can tell me
I’m not, but I know better. My kids know better. I’m freaking kick-ass amazing.
And so are you.
So, do us all a favor and “unsubscribe” from whatever
facebook group you’re in that teaches you that you have to parent a certain way
to be a good parent. It’s brainwashing you. All the conviction in the world
that you feel about some way of parenting is still leaving you empty, isn’t it?
You know why? Because we were designed for teamwork, for love, for friendship,
and for being a small part of a big picture. Get off of the message boards with
your lies and judgment and “beliefs” and instead tell everyone you know what an
awesome parent you are and what an awesome parent they are, because it is true. The more we hear it, the
more we say it, the more we can believe it and let go of the self-imposed chains
we’ve been carrying around hoping that someone will stop and say, “Hey, nice
chains you got there. Same as mine!” Be free and model your innate awesomeness
for everyone, but especially for your kids so that when they grow up they won’t
stop for one second to question how awesome they know they are. Self-confidence is catching…spread it.
You are an awesome parent, and you know it.
I am an awesome parent, and I know it.
We are awesome people raising a generation of incredibly awesome
people.
Embrace the Awesomeness.
