'Twas Two Nights Before Christmas

'Twas two nights before Christmas
And all through the house
Every creature was stirring.
We even woke up the mouse.

The children were tucked in their beds
With great care,
And with my foolish hope
That they just might stay there.

When the midnight bell tolled
I heard a voice, small and sweet
That was slightly distressed.
Time for baby to eat.

So he nursed and he nursed
And I kissed his warm head
As he drifted to sleep,
Then I headed for bed.

I pray I don't jinx it,
But could I be quite done
With my tired nightly duties?
I might sleep 'till the sun!

But fate was not kind.
I was dealt a poor hand
For in less than two hours
I was summoned again.

"MommaDadda!" I heard
Then a small pitter-patter
So I got out of bed
To see what was the matter

"I want juice!" The girl cried,
Her voice tiny and bright.
"I'm awake!" Then she smiled
"I'm all done night-night!"

No you're not! My voice Grinch-ish
Or perhaps rather Scrooge-y
My frequent awakenings
Now making me moody

I got her some juice
And tucked her in tight
Then I looked in her eyes
And I pleaded "Good night"

But not even thirty minutes
Had yet dared to pass
When I heard more loud cries
From that two year old lass.

"I sleep in YOUR bed!"
As she opened the door
I looked at my bedmate and asked,
"What's one more?"

He nodded agreement
So she snuggled inside
Our modest-sized bed,
Now three people wide.

So cramped up and cozy
And drifting to sleep
For a full thirty seconds
No one made a peep!

I looked at the monitor
When I heard his first cry.
And what did I see there
But two wide, glowing eyes

I knew in that moment
This was not just a feed
He was wide, wide awake
Hi Mom! Play with me!!

So, To all of the mamas
Up feeding their young
And to all of the dads
Rising long 'fore the sun

Take heart, for one day
You will sleep till sun's light.
Merry Christmas to all!
And to us a good night.

I can do hard things.

Here's what I used to do to go shopping.

-Put shoes on. Grab bag (wallet, keys, chapstick, phone). Go.

Here's what I do now. I wish I was exaggerating.

First, I make sure the bag is packed:
- two juice cups
- one bottle of milk
- two bags of snacks
- one bottle of water
- two extra snacks
- four size 4 diapers
- four size 2 diapers
- extra pair of pants for the girls
- extra outfit for the baby
- hand wipes
- butt wipes
- baby's pacifier
- extra pacifiers
- ergo baby carrier
- wallet, keys, chapstick, phone

"Ok! We can go!"
 Oh wait, now I need to:
- put socks and shoes on Toddler One
- put socks and shoes on Toddler Two
- start warming up the bottle
- reapply socks and shoes to Toddler One
- close all of the doors so Trapper can't sneak onto our beds
- reapply shoes to Toddler Two
- locate and refill the previously packed juice cups that were stolen and drained of their contents by, guess who, Toddlers One and Two

"Ok! We're really ready!"
Wait...The bottle!!! I forgot! It's scalding!
- get steaming bottle. Be sad that I probably just nuked the nutrients from my hard earned bottle of breastmilk.
- get over it. Grab backpack. Grab baby. Time to go!

"Ok girls! We're ready for real this time! Let's go!"
silence. They are nowhere to be found.
"Children!! Come here please, it's time to go!"
Here they come. Ahh, the pitter patter of little feet.
Crap... feet.
- reapply socks and shoes to Toddlers One and Two

- quickly usher them out the door before they have time to de-shoe themselves again
"Ok girls. I want you to walk straight to the car. It's not time to play, it's time to go to the store. Please obey and walk straight to the car right now."
- watch as Toddlers One and Two run in opposite directions
"Come to the car! RIGHT NOW!"
"No! Come get me, Mama!!"  Laughs maniacally.
"I can't! I'm holding baby brother! Please my dear, sweet children. I'm two seconds away from a meltdown, so why don't you just obey me for once in your short little lives. I'm begging you, come to the car!"
- they finally come. they climb into van. they get into their chairs.

- Ok. attempt to buckle toddlers in
"NO! MY DO IT!!!!"
- you know how this goes. eventually after (two seconds of) me being an AMAZING mom and being SO patient while letting them struggle to buckle themselves in while holding a fussing baby...I take over. Buckled. Done.
- buckle baby in.
- baby starts to cry. Is he hungry? I'll give him some milk. I sit and give him his bottle. Man, he's a slow drinker. He is just lingering, smiling, savoring this moment. You think you're going somewhere, mom? You're not. I'm keeping us in this driveway for as loooooong as possible. I'm just going to take a tiny sip...smile...one more sip...aren't I cute? And on and on. FINALLY he finishes.

All right, folks! We can go!!!

And we do. And while the car ride is not always calm and happy and enjoyable, it's blissful for three reasons.
No one can move.
I can listen to NPR.
I can honestly say "I'm sorry I cant get your juice that you intentionally threw down. I'm driving."

Then we arrive.
I sit for a moment, revving myself up for the next set of tasks.
Ok, here we go.
- get double stroller out of trunk
- get Toddler One out of carseat
- buckle Toddler One into stroller
- get Toddler Two out of carseat
- buckle Toddler Two into stroller
- push them around to the other side of the car to get baby Brother
- get baby carrier on
- insert baby
- strap backpack to the stroller (I have this ENORMOUS carabiner called "The Mommy Hook" that I can hook onto the stroller and then hook stuff to it like bags. Its frightful and embarassing and oh, so useful)
- stop halfway into store to dole out snacks
- walk inside store
- receive pitying looks
- shop. victoriously.
Because I can do hard things.

So, in sum, if you get a Christmas present from me this year, you better at least pretend to be pretty damn excited about it.

Taking the "Bad" with the Good

If you're around new parents and you are not one, you probably think they all secretly hate their kids because we are ALWAYS trying to put our children to bed. "He only slept for 30 minutes!!" may sound to you like we didn't get enough time away from them to put on makeup and watch the six thousand shows on our DVRs. While this is sometimes true (be honest), what we know and you don't is that bad baby sleep has a snowball effect. A bad morning nap almost always means a bad second nap, and a bad third nap, and maybe a 5 minute fourth nap, and two hours of rocking and feeding and fervent praying to get the baby to go to sleep.

And then they will wake up 36 times throughout the night.

And the next morning we will get down on our knees before it's time for the baby's first nap. We will set down our coffee cup that we have now refilled three times, and we will plead with the LORD to bless this nap. Please Jesus, you made this baby's body and you know that he NEEDS TO SLEEP FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR. Absolutely Needs To. Bless him, God. Hallelujah Amen.

Believe me folks, I know ALL about troubled sleepers. My girls were awful daytime sleepers and it took absolutely forever to get their overtired little selves to bed. Baby Jude is now three months old, and I'm remembering what it took to get the girls to bed when they were three months old:
Tandem breastfeed babies, usually accompanied by lots of fussing
Give them a supplement bottle
Each person takes a baby in a different room to rock and sing to them
Pray that they fall asleep
When they do, put them in crib (they shared one)
Go back in two minutes later when they wake up
Shove pacifiers back in
Pat their backs, shush them, sing to them
Pick them up, rock them again
Repeat Repeat Repeat
Cry, try not to look at the clock ("It's been two hours!")
Repeat Repeat Repeat

Tonight I left my brother's birthday party early so that I could get Jude to bed. I will NEVER complain about his early bedtime, even if it makes me miss out on some things. Anyway I get home, snuggle with my little guy, offer him a bottle, and he drifts off to sleep (mostly) in my arms. I put him in his crib. The End.

As I write this I am terrified that somehow I'm jinxing it.

Now, don't get the wrong impression. Does he sometimes wake up at 5:45 for the day? Yes. Does he sometimes take super short naps? Sure. Does he ocassionally wake up 4 times at night to eat? Yes. But you know what I realized this time around that I'm not sure I fully understood when the girls were little? Babies are people. They are little tiny people, and you cannot make them do anything. You can help them, you can listen to them and pay attention to what relaxes them and what doesn't, you can watch for sleep signs, but you absolutely cannot make them do anything. You can't make them go to sleep, you can't make them stay asleep, and that's just life. If your baby only takes 30 minute naps for a while, that's just life. It's frustrating as hell, but it's not always something that can be fixed. It's just something that is, and it will pass.

You know what else?

MAJOR Toddler disobedience- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Pumping 6 times a day- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Babies keeping me from sleep- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
All of my housecleaning being undone in 15 minutes- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Doling out time-out after time-out- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Saying "BE QUIET." 600 times a day- It's just something that is, and it will pass.

But also...

My children hanging onto my every word- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Snuggling with my sweet, soft baby- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Playing pretend "baby tiger!" with my toddlers- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Being the one to introduce three open minds to just about everything- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
My little ones crying "Momma!" and running to hug me when they first see me in the morning- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
Fighting over who gets to sit in my lap- It's just something that is, and it will pass.
That goofy grin Jude gives me 600 times a day- It's just something that is, and it will pass.

I'm learning to embrace the bad with the good, and I'm realizing that it isn't even bad. It just is. I no longer expect my kids to be like the books say they should be, to sleep the "right" amounts or to be developmentally on par. They are people too, and we are all so wonderfully different. I want to get to know them better, discover more about who they are, and learn more firmly how to respect their preferences, differences, and eccentricities.

And I'm telling myself a hundred times a day, with the wonderful and the "bad" that this, all of this, is something that is, and something that will pass.

Savor it.