It’s hard to read articles from start to finish. I know. I
tried to make this short!
The kids occasionally get nostalgic about life during their
ripe old ages of six and four, so they will pull out old home videos of the
last six years and watch the past for hours and hours. We all love seeing the
girls as chubby babies crawling across the playroom floor, or Jude tentatively
picking at his one year old birthday cake. But what I find myself constantly doing
as I watch these precious times, is comparing then to now. I look at the
baseboards that the babies are crawling by and think ‘oh wow, they were so clean’ , or I look at my body and the clothes
I was wearing and think ‘oh my gosh I was
so thin, my clothes fit so well’. I look at the uncluttered home, the clean
countertops, the smooth hands, the unwrinkled face, and I think ‘it’s all gone downhill, hasn’t it’. Currently
my house is a HUGE mess, there are things and boxes and dishes on every
surface. My girls are in the front yard making “castle mountains” out of mud and
mulch, and occasionally tracking it inside to fill up buckets of water. They are covered in dirt. Jude is
yelling a song in the ear-blasting way that he does and bringing toys outside
to climb the mulch castles. Charlie is on the porch ripping up plants (and
hopefully not eating them). I am sitting here in my pajamas with my muffin top (unfortunately not the edible kind) and my crazy hair thinking ‘when did I
completely lose control…of everything’?
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| A happy, anarchy-filled summer. |
What’s the saying? Comparison is the thief of joy? Sometimes
comparing ourselves against our own selves is the harshest comparison there is,
because we actually had attained what we wish we could be now. I will never
look like a model so why would I compare myself to one? A cat can’t be a dog,
but it can be a better cat. I can
always be a better version of me. Because, I actually had a clean house. I
weighed 130 pounds. I had control over the clutter in my home. By our society’s
standards I was doing better than I am now. So sometimes, all I can see is
failure.
I also see the old kitchen rug in the video that
needed replacing. We should have just bought a new one, but we really didn’t have
much money then. We would have never gone out and bought a brand new rug, not
with babies to take care of. So I actually found comfort in the fact that Chad
now has a much better job, and we can do things like go out to eat or buy a
birthday cake instead of making one. ‘Doing
good, doing much better’, I think to myself. Moving in the right direction,
upward mobility, bigger and better and more cushion and more stability, right?
Isn’t that the major goal of life? Why we get up and go to work every day? Some
of us love our low-paying jobs and would do them regardless, but what we are
told by everyone and every commercial and every store is “you can be better,
richer, more beautiful, and more successful. We can help”. Lowe’s has a slogan
that just gets under my skin: “Never Stop Improving”. Geez. What pressure! No
resting for you!
You may look back at various times in your life and think:
I have a better job now, progress.
We have a bigger house now, progress.
We can go on vacations, progress.
I have a better job title, progress.
I have more friends, progress.
Now here’s the thing. In many ways it is progress. There is nothing wrong with professional and financial
stability and success. But do we look at that check box and think, ‘great, we are doing great, I am doing great!’
and let our review stop there? Do we just look at the old unflattering picture and
think ‘I’m in better shape, doing great!’
but not think about who we were at the time?
Are we examining any of the things that actually matter?
Our bodies, our jobs, our bank accounts, our families: all
of it can change in a day. We certainly don’t like to think about it, but you
could lose your job in which you find great pride and stability. Like,
tomorrow. Your body could fail you. Your house could burn up. Evil exists,
sickness exists, bad economies exist, tragedy exists. Wah-wah. Debbie Downer
here, reporting for duty.
BUT. And it’s a big, all caps BUT: God’s kingdom is here,
now, and we are part of it. Your house may bring you joy, but true joy is only
found in Christ. Your thin and capable body may bring you pride and freedom,
but true freedom is only found in Christ. Your job may bring you fulfillment,
but true fulfillment is only found in Christ. Joy, contentment, and freedom
that are based in earthly things are conditional. They only lasts as long as what they are founded in lasts. We hope that means for our whole lives, but we
aren’t promised that. In Christ we have a taste of the eternal joy and complete
fulfillment that He gives that we will have forever. That joy, that freedom,
that fulfillment can weather absolutely any change in our earthly situation. I
want to live and breathe in that!
So look back at the pictures and the videos. Compare.
Am I closer to God’s
heart?
Am I a better
listener?
Am I more kind?
Am I holding my
beauty, my money, and my accomplishments more loosely, or am I still clinging
to them for worth?
Am I slower to
take offense?
Am I better at looking
for opportunities to help, serve, and encourage?
Am I allowing my heart to break for those around me who are suffering?
True progress in the things of God brings a satisfaction that
calms our hearts and helps us spread his love and joy with a deep humility.
Christianity is not running the same earthly race to the same finish line, just
with “less” sin. Instead, we are the tent alongside of the race, welcoming
weary racers. We are the ones saying Come
here, with us, and find rest. Let us
show you the balm for your tired soul.
So our lives may look different. Let them. Our success may
look different. Let it. I am not as thin as before but I am more kind. My house is far
dirtier than before but I am far more patient. I am not as beautiful as before but my heart is closer
to the beauty of my Father. I am more distracted than ever, but my eyes have been opened
to the suffering around me. I realize how incapable I am, but I am working on
letting Christ be more capable in me.
Romans 12:2- Do not conform to the
pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then
you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and
perfect will.
