The Past Six Months

Dear Jude,
       Today you are six months old! That might not seem like a big deal, what's six months? Well, because babies change so quickly we like to think about how long you've been alive first in days, then eventually that gets tiresome to keep up with so we switch to weeks, and then by about 15 or 16 weeks we switch to months. Every single day, week, and month holds it's own milestones. You are SUCH a different baby than you were six months ago!

So here is a little list of what you are like now.

- You have A LOT of energy, you are always talking and moving.

- You love getting out of the house and going new places, especially if you get to see a lot of interesting people.

- Patterned fabric is interesting to you and you like to watch it move, like curtains or my skirts

- You are absolutely desparate to start crawling! You get up on your hands and knees and rock back and forth, and then shoot forward as far as you can go. Somehow you still end up going backwards.

- You like to nurse, perhaps even love to nurse, but only in the middle of the night. During the day you prefer bottles. Those nighttime feedings are a very sweet time for us :)

- You prefer drinking your bottles in a quiet, dark place. You rarely drink much while we're in public, there's way too much to see!

- You are very strong, hold your weight well, can sit up (if I get you there, you can't quite get yourself into that position yet), love your johnny-jump-up, and you are heavy. You're probably not heavier than the average baby, but your favorite place to be is in my arms or in a baby carrier so I feel your weight all day long!

- You have two purple pacifiers that you must have to go to sleep. They were Evangeline's, she broke them in for you :) I keep praying that we don't lose them.

- You absolutely adore your sisters. When they're around you look at their faces and give them the cutest, most flirtatious smiles (even if they're not looking at you).

- Your favorite place to be, hands down, is in your daddy's arms. You love him so much and are almost always calm and content when he's carrying you. You watch him whenever he's around, and smile at him constantly. I might be the teensiest bit jealous :)

     After having twins the first time around I was confused as to how anyone could actually enjoy the baby stage, since for us it was endless amounts of work and very little sleep. Everything we did took planning and was a full-scale production! But with you, I am loving every minute. Well, not every minute, but you know what I mean :) I just carry you around, share my day with you, watch you grow, watch you get to know your sisters, your dog, your daddy, and your world. There are fussy times (WHEN ARE YOUR TEETH FINALLY GOING TO COME IN???), but we are all just enjoying you so much. These past six months have taught me so much! But the most important thing that I've learned is to slow down. You are (hopefully, fingers crossed) my last baby. So if the only thing I get done all day is play "baby tigers" with your sisters and hold you in my lap, that's ok. If I spend twenty minutes just rocking you in the chair and smelling your sweet baby smell (just wait, you non-parents. you will do this), then I haven't lost time that I could have been doing something else- I've gained a moment that we both, in our own ways, can cherish.

You are very loved, sweet boy. By all of us.
We value you.
We think that you are incredibly important.
We respect you.
We rejoice over you.
We delight in you.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will ever change any of that. Ever.

Now, it's time for pictures!

A few minutes after you were born. You hardly cried at all and were very alert!

Sweetly sleeping, less than a day old

 Snoozing on your daddy's chest



And some more recent photos....

 

Naked baby shot!

 

You and your sissies. You're just one of the gang now!

 

Hazel making you laugh. You love her and Evangeline SO much!!

 

Sweet, sweet little guy :)

 

 

Who's the Boss??

This afternoon while the baby was asleep and Chad had taken the girls to the park I picked up a copy of an old James Dobson parenting book called Parenting Isn’t for Cowards that had been given to us by either my mother or Chad’s a few years ago. I read the whole thing. Maybe I was hoping that what I would glean is that I’m not doing a terrible job at this parenting thing after all. Maybe I was hoping that I would get just one tiny little piece of advice about what to do when my toddlers are being, well, toddlers. And if I didn’t get any reassurance or valuable advice, I was hoping to get a really terribly old-fashioned piece of advice (from what I gather is a pretty old-fashioned dude) that I could tear apart for a great blog post. I may have been looking for a fight and some reassurance all at the same time, but instead I found a bunch of generic advice and excerpts of letters that had been written to him, and sadly nothing too salacious that I could write a scathing blog post about. It seemed like a half-hearted effort, more of a “Well, people buy my books. Can I repeat myself in a different enough way that people will buy another one that says all the same stuff?”

 But besides there being very little real advice, there was a general tone that didn’t feel right to me: the idea that grabbing the reigns of total parenting authority from day one will help ensure smooth sailing during the more turbulent years of parenting. There was a feeling of “If you don’t show them who’s boss right now and all of the time, they will decide that they are in charge and ruin your life and dye their hair green and drop acid”. That was almost a direct quote. But is this true? There is some pretty strong evidence that kids function better with clear and strong boundaries in their lives because it makes them feel safe. But what does that mean in my day-to-day life parenting two toddlers (and a baby?). Does this mean that whenever they say “No!” that I give them “a few sharp slaps on the legs”? (That one WAS a direct quote, p.67) Is this actually how I’m going to help my children to feel safe? This is how I’m going to assure my toddlers not to worry, mommy’s in control?  By being strict, unwavering, and sticking to my ideals more than listening instinctually to their needs?

And this is where I start to scratch my head. “Come here kid, I’m going to hit you. But I love you. I don’t want to do this but it’s for your own good.” I’m sorry, but I DON’T GET IT. The few times I have spanked my girls it did absolutely nothing but make them afraid of me. Is this how I’m sending the message that I’m in charge? Respect me or I’ll hit you? I just don’t know. Sure, I’m only 2 and a half years into this parenting thing, and most of the time I’ll admit that I’m flying by the seat of my stretchy pajama pants. But no matter how many times I am told by well-meaning people that I need to be more strict, that I need to spank, that I need to be firm and NO MATTER WHAT follow through with any and all threats…I just can’t do it. Dobson would call me a wimp, I’m sure, but maybe it’s because the alternative that he offers is more about strictly controlling than gently guiding, and which sounds better?

I think that the whole idea of the parent always being in charge is a bit of a farce, anyway. Well, at least around here it is. Let’s say, hypothetically, that things were getting really loud and crazy in our house. There may or may not be yelling involved…hypothetically. So, the hypothetical neighbors decide to call the police on this hypothetical situation, and when they arrive at the house they knock on the door. A frazzled woman in stretchy pajama pants answers the door. “Hello ma’am,” the handsome police officer begins , “Are you in charge here?” And she just laughs and laughs and laughs, and her hysterical laughing turns into weeping and she curls up into a ball and accidentally falls asleep on her doormat. She’s not in charge. She knows she’s not in charge and that’s what is so terribly funny and terribly terrible all at the same time. When you’ve finally found ten minutes to go poop for the first time in three days and your toddler barges in and absolutely refuses to leave, you can safely conclude that you are not in charge. You’re taller than everyone else in your house so it seems like you should hold the power, but really…come on. Let’s not kid ourselves. The other night after we “put the kids to bed” we paused our episode of Battlestar Galactica no less than nine times in the first 15 minutes of the show to go deal with the little ones. We could be strict, we could spank them when they call us to come into the room repeatedly, we could just let them cry… but we can’t. We just can’t do it. Maybe I am setting myself up to be walked all over, maybe they’re going to “dye their hair green and drop acid”. Green hair is pretty ugly. But what if maybe, just maybe, our more “gentle” attempts at parenting are going to pay off positively? What if they will be more likely to come to us with a problem? What if they will be more honest? What if they will trust us more than if we had spent their younger years fighting for total control? What if this actually “works”? What if I’m not wrong on this one?

What if…

trusting my instincts isn’t such a terrible idea?

So, how about this- what if before we consulted the “experts” we had a real heart-to-heart with ourselves? Regardless of what your Grandma did, or what your parents did, or what your pastor says (“Spare the rod and spoil the child!”), what your best friend does, let’s decide to not ever parent against our better instincts. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it, because it doesn’t feel right for a reason, and it’s a slippery slope to begin to question your feelings about how to care for those precious gifts that you have been given. Just like I did with those maddening baby sleep books, I’m going to stop looking for answers from people who have never even met my kids. I was not only given my children, I was given the tools to care for them by their Creator. He formed their crazy little personalities, their hearts, their attitudes, their glorious imaginations, and their beautiful spirits. My guidebooks are my heart and the whisperings of the Holy Spirit who gently guide me on this bizarre and beautiful journey, and help me to hear the music in the madness.

My Pre-Bucket-Kicking List

I think that one of the great things about being a stay-at-home parent is that it allows you to have a few years to figure out what you really want to do with the rest of your life. I know that my kids aren’t always going to need me like they currently do and when that happens, whether it be when they’re all in school or a few years later, I will hopefully have been laying a foundation for me to transition into a fulfilling job. Since I never really had a “career” before they were born, I’m not really sure what I’m cut out to do.  My dream jobs are all really weird sounding and most definitely not money-makers. Seriously, here are just a few of the many things I have thought up in the past few years.

-          Consignment flower shop- Do you grow amazing flowers in your yard? Don’t mind sharing your bounty? Bring your flowers into my shop: I’ll pay you for them, and sell them to other people on the cheap.  That way even the poorest of us can have fresh flowers in our homes all of the time, and we can afford to give our grandmas big bouquets of local, seasonal flowers every time they break a hip. You make money for what’s already growing in your yard! I make money from selling your flowers! People can buy cheap presents for each other! WIN-WIN-WIN!

-          Caffeine Truck- I posted about this on facebook a few weeks ago, and I still think it’s a winner. Here’s the deal: I buy a food type truck. I install some espresso machines and the like, and then I outfit it with awesome speakers on the top. As you are rolling out of bed on Saturday morning, you hear some amazing Sia, or Justin Beiber, or the Les Mis soundtrack, or Kelly Clarkson, or The Fresh Beat Band (depends on my mood, ok?) and you know it’s me bringing you some fair trade and local, glorious caffeinated delights. You throw on your robe and slippers, grab some dollar bills, and run out to greet me. I fulfill all of your wildest coffee-related fantasies right outside of your home.

-          MMmmmm Salads- Ok you guys, I make amazing salads. There aren’t a whole lot of things that I know for sure that I’m good at, but making a delicious salad is one of the few.  I know that there have been salad-themed restaurants before, and honestly they were always boring. So, keeping that in mind, I’m not sure how I would get people into my restaurant to try my amazing salads, but once they did they would be hooked. I guess I could sell other stuff too, like cookies and brownies (hey, all you had for lunch was a salad! Treat yo’self!). It’s apparently an unwritten rule that women aged 20 and over have to eat mostly just salads whenever they go out to eat , so there’s a demographic for it. I just need a good name:

“Eat Yo’ Greens”

“Fat Salads”

“Heavy on the Ranch”

“Lettuce N’ Stuff”

“Crunchin’ and Brunchin’ and Lunchin’”

 “Our Daily Veg”

“Rabbit Food”

I have plenty more equally far-fetched ideas about what I would like to do with my life in a few years. Life is way too short to work a job you don’t like, or to sit at home and twiddle your thumbs. God didn’t fill this world with crazy awesome people who have crazy awesome ideas so that we can all repress our ideas because they are totally crazy, and never become who we want to be. But if I have to work a “normal” job to pay the bills for a while, then I’m going to make sure spice up our lives by actually doing everything on my….

 Bucket List.

-          Join the local roller derby for at least one season. Kick butt, get in shape, be aggressive, have tons of fun.

-          Volunteer for an animal shelter or sanctuary once a week for six months. Bring the kids along with me (Chad, too) and help teach them that every single one of God’s creatures is important and deserves our kindness and love.

-          Live in another country for at least three months. Canada does not count. Preferably a tropical country.

-          Volunteer at a homeless shelter or rescue mission once a week for six months. The homeless are too often ignored and forgotten… by me. I want to remind myself and teach my kids that every single person on this planet is deeply loved by their Father. No matter what, we are called to show them God’s love and to serve them.

-          Build an adorable tiny house, less than 700 or 800 square feet, and live in it. I am TOTALLY NOT KIDDING. I want for us to do most of the work ourselves and use as many reclaimed items as we can. I’m talking all three kids and us in the house.  I think I would love the challenge of the tiny space, being forced to live simply, and being in very close quarters with our kids. Chad would love building his own house, and starting small (tiny) makes it actually seem achievable. We may have to get a hotel room every now and then, but hey. I think it would be worth it.

This is, of course, after Trapper goes to be with Jesus. His farts would suffocate us in that small space.

-          Take voice lessons and get my pipes back. Maybe my kids will eventually stop telling me, “No more singing, Mama!!!!”

-          One of my lifelong dreams is to give someone a house. I’m not sure why I’m so attracted to this idea, but owning a home is a dream for so many people and one that seems to be becoming more and more difficult to achieve. Our house is definitely a starter house, “our-first-home” type material. I would die of happiness if I was able to pretend that we were selling our house, and surprise the people who want to buy it by just giving it to them. What if someone did that for you, wouldn’t that MAKE YOUR LIFE???  I get excited just thinking about it. It’s ridiculous, but I really want to do it. I’d need a lot more money, but man. It would be awesome.

-          Volunteer at our local hospital as a baby holder in the NICU. A friend of mine had her babies in the NICU for a while and mentioned to me that some of those babies NEVER had a visitor and were rarely held. Hearing that just about ripped my heart in two. Every life, every single life, is precious.

-          Volunteer (or get a job at) a community garden or a small farm. I really feel like it’s important to learn about how to grow food, I just have no idea how to do it and don’t think I can learn it from a book. The kids would LOVE it. It will be awesome and teach us all how to respect God’s amazing creation.

So, there it is. There are of course about 600 other things that I’ve thought of, but these particular ideas keep popping up in the murky waters of my tired brain. I believe that life really is what you make it to be, and I want our lives to be full of giving, learning, traveling, serving, taking chances, and lots of silliness J

Carpe Diem, Y’all!!