The longest road.

Dear friends,
        Chad and I have been on a journey for the past 9 months: Joblessness. It's so easy to post happy pictures and snapshots of our carefree moments, because our happy times still exist. But this whole time there has been an undercurrent of questions, working on finding work, rejections, insecurity, crying out to God, and confusion. We've considered moving abroad, Chad has considered changing his career path many, many times. We've asked for help from some, receieved help from unexpected sources, and had to trust God like never before.

But what we haven't been able to do is Be Still.

Having three small children is a 24hour/day job. On top of that, looking for a job is a constant stresser as you always feel like you should be working on that, because it is so important.  On top of that, Chad has a part-time contract (editing) job which he works anywhere from 20-40 hours per week. So, being still before God? How? When?

Chad mentioned to me last night that for our entire marriage we have gone from one stressful situation to another. Grad school, job loss, moving, children, more job loss...we have always struggled for stability. It's hard to look around us and see other people our age doing "well" while we aren't even able to pay our bills on our own. This need keeps our feet moving, keeps us searching for the answer, the job, the thing that will turn our life around. But you know what? All of our looking has done us no good. Not one bit. We have come up short, no matter which path we've started down. We have spent nine months wandering around the desert looking everywhere but up.

So, we're stopping. The children are our joys and whose smiles and hugs have given us the strength to keep going, to keep trusting, and to keep believing. Where would we be without them? They constantly remind us that no matter how scary our bank account balance is, we are rich beyond measure. But it is quite easy to let them stand between us and God, they are such a convenient thing to get "too busy" with. So, Chad is going to take a little break from home. He is going on a quest, a journey, a retreat to seek God and to Be Still. I'm going to do my best here at home to do the same thing.

So, here is what we are asking for:
1- Prayers. We can't do this on our own, as we should have learned by now. We need you and your prayers. We need your help, your love, your support. It's hard to ask for, but we know we aren't meant to go this alone.
2- Some place for Chad to go. Hopefully the mountains? He feels so close to God there. Do you have a cabin, know of someone who does? It could basically be a shack, he's a seasoned camper. The more cut off from the world, the better. His mind has been going non-stop for 9 months, and it's not easy to just turn it off when his environment is the same. Do you have a favorite retreat place to suggest?
3- More prayers. For healing, clarity, hope, vision. For joy, freedom from worry, and forgiveness. For our ears to be opened to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit, that we have tried to hear but only when convenient for us.

I hated writing this, but at the same time I feel a little better now. Our "secret" is out. This road has been a long one, and we have felt every different emotion in the book except for real Peace.

So, I'm not sure how to end this. If you are struggling like we are, just know that you are NOT ALONE. It is the hardest position to be in, seeing these beautiful faces all day long that you can't take care of that way you want to, but I know that we are not alone in this. Please pray for us as we try to stop the noise and Be Still before our God.

Andrea and Co.